Pain/Love

This post is not business related, but can be if you make your own connections…It has taken me a few weeks to get up the gumption to write this post.  Thank you for reading.


 

The past few months have been somewhat of a strange series of events.  In December, we lost my mother-in-law.  A kind, loving gentle woman whose only goal in life was to bring people together and have them enjoy the times.  She was the great facilitator, connection maker and meeting leader–that is, she was in charge.  If our family was a business, she was the CEO, COO and probably responsible for Strategy and Development as well.  She was the curator of events, supply chain executive and the head chef.  Ultimately, she was the cog that kept the works of my wife’s family moving in the same direction–not always happily, but they listened.

She left behind a loving husband, who until a few weeks ago, we thought was making strides to start to move ahead with his life.  Unfortunately, we lost him in the beginning of February.  My father-in-law, ex-military officer, was the backbone.  He was the voice of reason to his bride’s overzealous plans and poor planning skills.  He kept the keel even.  He was the VP of Administration, the SVP of Operations and quite often the sous chef prepping for each meal and tasting along the way.  He was the grease that kept the cogs moving freely and maintained a level head.

Now, I always considered my wife’s family very close knit.  As with any family there are always outlying situations that rear their ugly heads.  Strifes that cause tension and miscommunication that goes unchecked.  However, when these tragedies befell our family, life’s course altered itself and truly changed the way the remaining family dynamic.  For better (in worsening times), the issues, strifes, and squabbles seemed to be washed aside as the focus was not on that but on the happiness of the lives of my in-laws.

It is the intersection of pain and love that I think truly represents where we as humans operate most efficiently and effectively.  Where as pain causes us to recoil and focus on all that is wrong with the world; Love, helps us focus on the utopia that felt when we are consumed with it.  Each of these alone represents an overstatement, however when you have both I see it as the perfect space for living.

You see, I think we need pain to remind us of our own limitations, of our impermanence, and how our decisions impact us on a daily basis.  Conversely love, being so euphoric ultimately softens any negativity that abounds us.  I believe that one does not cancel out the other–and each can have positive and negative impact on us.  I know, it is hard to see the plusses of pain and the negativity of love and it is truly about perspective.

The positivity of Pain:  Pain keeps us grounded, level headed and open to seeing the possibilities about getting away from the pain.  Pain helps us plan for future events that are similar and more importantly how to avoid them altogether.  Pain is temporary at best and cyclical at its worst.  Pain brings others into our fold to help us overcome it and create a new beginning.

The negativity of Love:  Love is vast and wide and unfettered.  Love makes us think grandly with no semblance of order as to how to get there.  Love has no processes or rules that help us plan our steps.  Love is semi-permanent, you can fall in and out of love, but once you find love you are stuck with it.  Love reaches across chasms and grabs others and helps them share our thoughts and feelings.  Love helps us maintain what is great and expand it as far as we can.  Love is the great equalizer.

Pain doesn’t outweigh Love and Love doesn’t cancel out pain.  They both exist as forces that bring us to our ultimate operating behaviors.  We balance our pain and love so that we can get through the day and start a new one with the hopes, dreams and memories of the past…

EWC/ACII RIP 2015/2016

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